I Don't Trust Myself With Loving You
by EienUteki
Summary: "Hermione," Draco pulled them off to the side, his voice filled with warmth and tenderness, a side she never saw. "I'm going to make you mine." With that, their lips crashed together once more. Rated M for future events .
1. Make You Mine

_There's a place I'd like to go somewhere out west,  
It's not specific, and the pictures show it best.  
I know there's trees, I know there's sand, and I know there's __grass,  
I know it's somewhere in the past.  
There's a girl out there who's looking for it too,  
She's not sure when she'll go or exactly what she'll do. _

There had always been something odd about that Hermione Granger.

The Slytherin prince could not, for the life of him, figure out why he was so goddamn attracted to this...this Gryffindor! Was it the way her brown curls were so long that it rained down on him, caressing his entire body? The way her hands, smooth and gentle, protected him from the constant fear that threatened to eat away his being? Or was it the way her warmth cascaded throughout his soul, lighting a path of fire beneath his frozen heart? Either way, Draco understood that none of these feelings had ever once applied to Hermione Granger, not in the least. But why now? Why did Hermione have to come to his rescue, purging his conscious of evil thoughts? Draco was sickened by the very glimpse of any form of love, but now that he had felt it and now that he had actually experienced some form of that dreaded love, he had no clue as what to do. Did he fight it? Or did he embrace it?

"Oh bloody hell," Draco shouted at his thoughts, feeling every jolt of pain course through him. "When had things become so difficult?" Then, as if she had read his thoughts, her hand scraped seductively down his muscular, pale chest. His eyes shut instinctively, savoring the feel of Hermione's touch, as if she could be gone within seconds. Which was partially true. Draco had not an ounce of understanding over this situation, all he knew was that today was great, but tomorrow could be hell...and with his mouth and rebuttals, it most likely would be. As for now, Draco reveled in this sweet moment where Hermione's hand felt heavenly against his stained skin. To Draco, she had now been molded into his life just by a simple touch and he knew he would always acknowledge her as someone whom he had cared so very deeply for, but never admitted it.

"Draco," he shuddered at the sound of his name and the way it rolled from Hermione's tongue, so enchanting that he could no longer deny the way he felt. "Draco, I should get going...really, it's late."

"Don't." Draco murmured, not looking into her pleading brown eyes. Brown. The only color he had grown to love and nurture. Not gray, not black. Just brown. "Stay."

"It's past curfew." Hermione stated, a sense of caution slurred into her speech. "I don't want us getting carried away either, Draco, you know I am not ready to be that intimate with you." The word intimate threatened to knock the wind out of his lungs, could she not just say sex? That word implied love and Draco Malfoy did not like love one bit.

"Just stay, I will not force you into anything. Just sleep here tonight. No one will find out, after all, we do have our own Head Prefect common room." There it was, the classic Draco smirk that always had Hermione teetering on the edge of bliss and pure annoyance. His smirk disappeared when he realized what he was getting himself into and Hermione sensed his hesitation, stealing a quick kiss from his supple lips and dragging her body out of bed. The spot where her hand was once lying now became an icy reminder of what Draco could lose. Within a flash, Draco had grasped out to catch her wrist and pull her back onto the bed. A shriek escaped from the brim of her swollen lips, beckoning Draco to capture her mouth once more. This time, though, the kiss was sweet and filled with a fiery passion that he had never experienced with any other girl. For the most part, it scared the bloody magic right out of him! He did not want it to get to this point, ever. Even though he knew pulling away would cause some sort of argument to erupt from Hermione, Draco slipped out from under her lavender and vanilla scented body to pace around his room.

"I'll see you in the morning, Draco." Hermione lifted her chin to caress his lips one last time before setting off towards the door, looking back only to catch a glimpse of Draco pulling on his school robes and following her to the door.

"Good night, Hermione." No matter how hard-headed Draco was at times, he still carried a soft spot for her. He didn't want to admit it, but Hermione was his beloved little Gryffindor whether or not she was a muggle-born witch. It was Draco's turn to make her swoon by gracefully sweeping his lips over her rosy cheek bone while his hand rested at the small of her back. "Sweet dreams, Granger."

Then Draco was gone, heading for the portrait that hid the confines of their common room. "That bloody idiot really knows how to get under my skin." Hermione sighed before too disappearing into her maroon and gold stripped room.

…

Draco kicked his way into the Room of Requirement with such force he thought he would summon all of the ghosts that resided inside Hogwarts. Books and boxes fell around his feet when he tore through to the spot where he always collected his thoughts, but his mind was even more cluttered than this room was, he didn't know how he would sort through everything.

"Oh blimey, if this continues then I'll find myself trying to explain to my father why I was disobeying his orders." Draco huffed as he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. Without hesitation, he slid his sleeve over the Dark Mark that Hermione had only seen once, but did not run from. As Draco stood there, watching over the skull and snake, he thought about how special Granger really was to him. How she did not judge him by the way he was raised, but by the way he was fighting to become someone _he _wanted to be, not what his father wanted. "Malfoy? What the bloody hell are you doing up here?" It was Potter, the head of the Golden Trio, the one Malfoy despised the most.

_"Oh what a wonderful fucking surprise! Like I needed his shit on top of sorting through my feelings!" _Draco's thoughts crashed through his brain, making it utterly impossible for him to have time to create a witty remark.

"Just bug off, Scar-head! I'm not in the mood to deal with your crap."

Harry, being very hard-headed, pressed into the matter even further. "Is the Head Boy having problems?"

"What the hell would you know about problems? You have the least worries between the two of us." At that statement, Harry snickered loudly.

"And I suppose you are the one being hunted by Voldemort?" If only Harry knew how much truth that questioned posed for Draco. If only someone knew how much Draco was being forced to endure, if only he could open up to Hermione...someone, anyone.

When Draco did not answer, Harry looked up to him and noticed how distant he seemed, as if something far away was so much better than where he was now. Anger was welling up inside of Draco, causing him to clench his fists until the skin on his knuckles went white. He knew opening up to someone was not a possibility. Everyone, including Hermione, would believe he was a monster. Hermione had no clue as to what this Dark Mark meant for him. The story she knew was of his father, manipulating Draco just enough for him to get the mark, but that was only half of the truth.

"Malfoy! Hey Ferret!" Without a moment of hesitation, Draco had his wand pulled up to Harry's neck, shaking with the anger that threatened to spill forth.

"Listen, _Potter-_" Draco spat. "Don't you ever, for once in your life, assume that my life is everything it's held up to be, got it? You don't know my troubles." As if he had shouted the truth, Harry's eyes wandered down to his forearm where the Dark Mark lay hidden beneath the school's robe. Draco had always known that Harry had suspected him of pledging his allegiance with Voldemort and becoming a Death Eater.

Draco said nothing more before turning on his heel and exiting the Room of Requirement, bumping straight into a bushy haired girl in the corridor.

"Hey, watch where- Granger? What are you doing out here?" Draco's eyes wandered over her delectable curves held tightly in the comfort of her robes and for a moment he smirked, he was the only one who ever had the joy of getting close to her passion crazed side.

"Harry asked me to meet him out here...what are _you _doing out?" Hermione blushed while trying to keep the conversation serious, the way his eyes filled with unknown emotions at the sight of her made her feel wanted for once.

"Roaming, like usual." Draco knew too well if he told Hermione what had happened between Harry and him just a few minutes ago, things would turn downhill. But what if Harry told her? He sighed, once again catching the sight of Hermione. "I don't sleep well, Granger. I prefer to prowl the dark corridors, okay? Unless you want to come to bed with me." Draco wagged his eyebrows seductively at her, getting the perfect reaction in the form of a giddy laugh. Then they embraced each other, their bodies shaking with fits of laughter. Eventually the heat that formed between them caught their attention and their hands searched each others bodies, memorizing the delicate touches. Draco's thumb rubbed over her bottom lip while emitting a smile, she always knew how to make him happy. Hermione leaned forward and gently brushed her mouth against his jaw line, shivers spiraling down both of their spines at the contact.

"Hermione! Hell, what are you doing!" Harry's shouts froze both of them, each standing still while their arms were tangled around the other.

There was no explanation for this; it was exactly what Harry saw, nothing more and nothing less. With a boost of confidence, Hermione wiggled free from Draco's grasp, but intertwined their hands with a smile. Draco's face was twisted between annoyance for Potter disturbing their very sexy moment and shock at Hermione's actions.

"Yes, Harry?" Hermione spoke, her voice taking on a very innocent tone.

Harry stood wide-eyed and angry, how could his best friend be snogging his enemy? "You're with...MALFOY?" The last shout made Hermione jump, Harry was rarely this angry.

Draco was about to hurl a few insults back at Harry, but the tiniest squeeze from Hermione's hand convinced him that she could handle this.

"Yes, I am with _Draco_." Hermione pronounced his first name with such prestige, Harry's mouth almost fell open and hit the ground; now they were on a first name basis? "Now we'll be on our way." Hermione shot Harry one more glare before waltzing down the hallway with Draco.

What would happen now?

"Hermione," Draco pulled them off to the side, his voice filled with warmth and tenderness, a side she never saw. "I'm going to make you mine." With that, their lips crashed together once more. Draco tasted of a fine wine and Hermione tasted of honey, but when combined, it was delicious. They could never get their fill of each other, their bodies pressing deeper against the other.

When Hermione broke away again, he groaned.

"Past curfew, Draco." Hermione giggled, heading back to their Head common room. Draco shook his head in defeat, knowing that tomorrow was going to be completely different when they had to face the world...or at least Harry, for the most part.


	2. Come Away With Me

_I want to wake up with the rain  
Falling on a tin __roof  
While I'm __safe there in your arms  
So all I ask is for you  
To come away with me in the night  
Come away with me_

Before Draco opened his eyes to the new morning, he took a deep breath and sighed when he could smell her scent. Draco was blanketed in Hermione's chocolatey curls and it made him smile, for once she had finally agreed to sleep in the same bed with him. His arms tightened around her waist when he felt her stir; he wasn't ready to get up just yet. They had the entire morning to themselves, why waste it? Especially when the encounter last night would surely cause an eruption in the Great Hall once they attended breakfast. Last night, Hermione and Draco had assumed Harry would tell Ron, who would tell Lavender and well, she would tell everyone else per usual. Hermione was frightened to say the least, but Draco (even though he was dreading this part) told her that he would stand by her in the Great Hall, walk her to the Gryffindor table, and kiss her cheek like they had always wanted it to be. Draco knew all too well that there would be whispers that would travel and that eventually his father would hear the news, which somewhat excited him. He _wanted _to be able to shove something in his father's face, something that he chose to do for himself.

"Morning." Hermione said, wiping the grogginess out of her eyes. Again, he smiled till his mouth began to hurt. It was their first time waking up to each other and he felt as if everything would work out for once in his life.

"Morning, Hermione." His lips pressed tightly against her hairline as he engulfed himself in her vanilla scent once more. Draco had gotten so used to calling her by her first name that it scared her slightly, she was used to all of the names he had called her before like Granger or Mudblood. But he was different now, the war had changed everyone. Just as these thoughts skimmed through her mind, she mindlessly traced a few scars that scathed Draco's chest. Before she knew it, her hand was covering the Dark Mark that stood out against his pale skin.

Hermione's big brown eyes pondered over the mark, attracting sideways glances from Draco. She brought her lips down to the mark and ever so lightly, kissed his arm. Draco tensed up, closed his eyes, and prayed that she wouldn't ask any questions.

"Don't worry, Draco." Hermione's hand caressed his cheek. "You don't scare me now." Hermione cushioned herself back into Draco's arms, her eyes still watching his face for any sign of emotion.

The smile that grazed his lips sent shivers throughout her body. It was as if he finally realized the power they held when together, as if he _finally _understood how much Hermione cared for him. Then the smile disappeared as quickly as it came. He never wanted to get Hermione in this deep, by Salzaar, all he wanted was a quick shag! And of course, he didn't even get that! Now it had turned into something larger than themselves, something Draco never planned on facing in his lifetime.

Draco's eyes were still closed while he mumbled, "You should be." But even then, he shifted Hermione on top of his chest. She sat up, straddling Draco's hips, with a devilish grin.

"Why should I be afraid?"

"Because I am everything that you are not." He flipped Hermione onto her back, his blonde bangs tickling her forehead. "You are good, I am evil. You're Gryffindor, I'm Slytherin. Bloody hell, you're the Order, I'm a Death Eater!" His shouts left cold whispers on her neck, shivers trembled through her body.

Hermione strained her neck to give Draco a quick, but passionate kiss. "You're Draco, I'm Hermione and we _work_. For some insane reason, we just do." Why could Draco not accept that as the truth?

"Fuck, Hermione, I've got to go. I have a meeting...with my mother, about my father." Never once had Hermione heard Draco so spluttered, something was certainly wrong, but she ignored it.

"I'm going to sleep in then." Hermione grinned sheepishly. Draco rolled himself off of the bed and threw on a pair of blacks slacks and a white button-up shirt before turning to face her.

"I'll be back later." Draco leaned down, gave her a peck on the lips, and smiled to hide all of the lies he was telling.

…

"Draco, do you not understand the power the Dark Lord possesses? Only a fool like yourself would challenge his _direct _orders!" Severus Snape shouted at the young man who followed behind him, annoyance radiating from his eyes.

"I just don't understand what the Dark Lord could possibly want with a child!" Draco yelled back, leaving the grounds of Hogwarts even more confused than he was before.

"What's not to understand, Draco? The Dark Lord orders you to have a child within the span of two years with that Mudblood Granger!"

"H-Hermione? Give up MY child to HIM?" What Draco really wanted to say was our child, but no one knew about their relationship other than Harry.

"You've chosen your side, Draco, do not forget that. I am merely a pawn, played by each side. I've sworn to protect you and Potter, both of whom are on different sides. Your safety resides in the Dark Lord, for now. When it is time, you may as well become a pawn, if you so choose." Severus was not allowed at this particular meeting, for Draco was to meet with the Dark Lord by himself and was going to be informed about his new task.

"Remember, when he tells you of this, do not imply that you already knew. Good luck, Draco." With his goodbyes, Draco felt the similar tugging sensation at the back of his head as if someone was grabbing him right out of reality.

…

"Ah, Draco, so glad you could join me." The Dark Lord's voice called out from somewhere in the darkness, gripping Draco's attention.

"My apologies, Master, for being late."

"Sit, Draco, there is much to discuss."

Draco could feel Voldemort's eyes boring into his soul as he made his way to the familiar table where their usual meetings were held. At the far end, crowded by the shadows, Nagini slithered into view unlike her Master who still lay hidden.

"I am in need of a child, Draco, and I knew you were the perfect candidate. After some searching, I have found that Hermione Granger is first in your class, followed by yourself. Her intelligence not only of the Order, but of magic and magic history, is of the utmost importance. Make her yours, Draco," He shuddered, he had told Hermione the exact same thing the day before. "Court her and then have her with child in one year. That is more than enough time to capture her heart and impregnate her, understand? I have marvelous plans for this child."

"I understand, but-"

"No buts, Draco, just complete the task I have asked of you or your mother will never be released from her chamber."

There it was, the threat the Voldemort could hold over Draco's head and make him do anything he wanted him to. Draco never wanted to think of the torture that his dear mother experienced day in and day out, all he ever wanted to think about was how the hell he was going to get her out of there. But now he knew the answer, didn't he? He was forced to marry Hermione and have a child with her, but in the end, he would lose everything. If only he didn't care about Hermione! Then it would be that much simpler! But no, he would have to give over _their _child, which would make Hermione see the beast that dwells within Draco. Then it would ruin their marriage, the one thing Draco would never want to happen.

"Yes, Master." Merlin, he loathed this creature! He would gladly marry Hermione and have children with her, but for it all to be taken away from him? He wanted to be happy with her, more than anything else in the world.

"Leave, Draco. It is Nagini's dining time, we wouldn't want you to get hurt, now would we?" The evil cackle seemed to taunt Draco, as if it was all he could hear for his future.

Just an evil, maniacal laugh.

An evil future.

Loss.

Death.

There was no way out, no where to run. Unless, but no, Severus would never allow them to hide away. But then again, Snape didn't have to know everything, did he?

…

"Hermione, wake up."

Hermione's eyes widened as she took in the sight before her, a frantic looking Draco stood over her rushing her to get out of the warm bed. "Mm, Draco, what the hell are you doing? I wanted to sleep in." Her speech was cut short when Draco's lips crushed her own mouth in an almost threatening need. But the kisses he left were drugging and she could never resist him, not even with every fiber of her being could she ever deny how much she wanted him.

"Hermione," he groaned. "Your things, pack them." He left tantalizing love bites across her neck before she could protest, "Come away with me, where it's safer for us." His hands slipped below her night shirt, gripping at her hips tightly. "Everything will be fine." His fingers slipped below her monstrosity of a bra, receiving a muffled growl from the back of Hermione's throat. "We'll be together."

Hermione had never gone this far with Draco, but the way his voice ached for her to be near him and to leave to Godric knows where made her fall even harder for him. "Yes," she panted, before understanding what she was agreeing to fully. "Of course."

When his hand traveled farther up, Hermione understood what the reasons were behind his actions so she pushed him off of her.

"Explain, now Draco." Hermione sat across from him on the bed, her cheeks looking flustered and hot from his touch.

Bloody hell, Hermione was going to hate him for this.

"The Dark Lord has requested something from me." Silence fell throughout the room as Hermione grew suspicious of what Draco needed to give to him and why did it involve her running away with him?

"Draco, what does this have-"

"He has requested me to marry you and have you with child in exactly one year. Then I am to give the child to him. He doesn't know about us, Hermione, and I don't want him to know. I want to be able to marry you and have children, without his leering eyes. I have a hunch that he needs an heir, in case Potter succeeds in finding and destroying all of the horcruxes. He wants a young child whom he can teach dark magic to. He wants your prior knowledge of the Order and your all around intelligence, along with my intelligence and my willingness to obey a father figure. I also believe he wants to create one more horcrux, right before he knows Potter has destroyed them all. He believes if he keeps this child a secret, then no one will know of the last horcrux."

Hermione's eyes never left Draco's face the entire time he explained his theory. "If we leave, won't he find out? Draco, where did you plan on going? He would find us."

"Ah ah ah, that is where you are wrong, Miss Granger. My mother has a close friend, a muggle one that is, who lives right outside of London. My mother has charmed the house to keep her safe, she has been wanted dead by Voldemort for a while now. He has still yet to succeed at that. My mother's magic is very powerful, when she puts her mind to it. I believe we will be safest there, seeing as she has been there for almost fifteen years without ever once being spotted." Draco kissed her cheek, watching a fleet of emotions soar through her eyes.

"And you are sure there is no other way?"

Draco nodded sullenly, drooping his head low enough to where he could only see Hermione's hands twisting in confusion and angst. He didn't look up until he noticed Hermione's hands began to tremble and her sobs echoed off the walls. His eyes scanned her tear stained face, looking for any sign of something he could do to help her, but there was nothing.

"I'll d-do it." Draco's eyes shot wide open.

"You will?"

"Draco, I've spent so long protecting others, now I have to look out for myself...for us. If this woman can help us, then I'm willing. I'll be able to stay in contact with Harry, along with the Weasleys." She sniffled, wiping the tears from her cheek.

"Hermione, I don't think keeping in contact with _anyone_ is safe, but you can talk with Francesca."

"She sounds so proper." Hermione smiled even though her eyes were still red and puffy.

"Nope, she likes to be called Fran. She used to be a nanny, I believe. She's very...homey, she's practically family."

Hermione questioned Draco, her voice was barely above a whisper, "Will we have to stay there for awhile?"

Draco pulled Hermione right onto his lap, "I don't know how long. We can stay here at Hogwarts for a little bit, he has given us a year. You can speak to Potter, Weasley, and McGonagall about what is happening. I'm sure Fran has an unrecognizable owl we can use every once in awhile."

"What's going to happen?"

"I'm going to join the Order and help them defeat Voldemort," At the shock that washed across her face he said, "I've always known where the Order is, Granger."

"I'm going to give them all of the information I know. Fran lives exceptionally close the the Order, which will be very convenient for us." He finished, gripping protectively around her waist.

"Why can't we just live at the Order?"

"Because it's only a matter of time before Voldemort finds the house. Bellatrix has been hounding the place for him." He snickered at the thought of his aunt groveling at the Dark Lord's feet.

"We should get to Potions, Granger, wouldn't want Snape to hand you over to the dark side."

"Funny, Malfoy, very funny." Hermione slapped his chest then reluctantly slid herself off of him, retrieving her bag.

"See you soon, Drakie." Hermione smiled playfully as she impersonated Pansy, the girl who refused to leave him alone.

"Bye, 'Mione."

He was going to get hell for that one later.

…

The cauldron that Hermione and Ron were working at began to bubble violently, thanks to Ron adding the wrong ingredient! Hermione drudged up to Snape, instantly regretting not sending Ron up to him.

"Professor, I'm afraid that we added the wrong ingredient."

"You mean, Mr. Weasley added the wrong ingredient, Miss Granger." Snape;s eyes flickered over to where the ginger headed boy fumbled over the mess.

"I'm going to switch you into Mr. Malfoy's group."

There, now Hermione knew for certain that Snape knew the entire task. But why would he enforce it? Wasn't he on the Order's side?

"Malfoy." Hermione slammed her things on the desk beside him, pretending to be repulsed by his very name.

"Granger."

Then she felt it; a tiny motion that slid something on her wrist. Without drawing any attention, Draco had slipped a very beautiful, ("Absolutely _too_ expensive." Hermione thought), emerald-jeweled bracelet on her.

"I like my colors on you," Draco whispered, wrapping his hand around hers.

"What if someone sees?"

"Shh, who cares?" Draco smirked, holding a vile of wolfs bane in front of him, measuring out enough for the potion.

Out of the corner of her eye, Hermione noticed how bitter Ron looked after she had left, her heart ached for him. She always felt so bad for Ron, for the way she blew him off all the time, and now for the way he found out about her and Draco.

"I left my books over there, be right back." Hermione mumbled before waltzing back over to her previous desk.

"Ron, I'm sorry, Snape switched me." Her big brown eyes pleaded with his, hoping for some sort of reply.

"Crawl back to your snake of a boyfriend, he's getting irritated." Ron didn't even have the decency to look at her when he insulted her.

"Oh that's rich, Ronald! How about _YOU _crawl back to Lavender, hmm? I'm sure she would be all _too _eager to see her WON-WON!" Hermione shouted, anger rising to her face.

"At least she's no house traitor!" Ron retorted, his eyes like daggers.

"I was trying to be civil! But you've never had it in you, have you?" Before Hermione's emotions got the best of her, she stormed out of the classroom and didn't look back to notice Draco following her.

"Harry, I've messed up." Hermione sobbed as Potter turned the corner.

"Hermione, what's wrong? Was it Malfoy? I swear, I'll hex him so bad he won't be able to remember who he is!" Harry threw his arms around Hermione, taking note that Draco was standing right behind them.

"It's Ron, he h-hates me, I know he does. But how can I blame him? I've been secretly dating the person who was supposed to be our mortal enemy!"

"Ron will come around, but I'm not worried about him. I want to know, are you happy with him...with Malfoy?" Hermione pushed Harry back a little, just enough so she could look at his face.

"I don't know why, but Draco makes me happy. He challenges me. At times, I want to hex him too, but then he makes up for it. I know what you're think, how is it possible for me to love someone like Malfoy, but I just do."

"Malfoy can be a good guy, but I just don't want him messing with you head." Harry said sternly, more to Draco who was behind them.

Draco tried to give an appreciative nod, but grimaced more. "Hermione, ready to go?" She jumped a little bit, frightened by his voice. How much had he heard of that?

"Yeah, see you Harry." She gave him a quick hug and then turned to Draco, whom immediately laced their fingers together.

"My mother wants to meet you, Hermione. She knows about the task, but she doesn't know that I really care about you. I'm going to tell her in person, with you next to me." Draco smiled down at her, his skin instantly warming when she squeezed his hand.

"That means a lot to me, Draco." She kissed his cheek and then continued down the corridor. "Now we just have to figure out how we are going to handle this big change when we leave. How are we going to adjust? I'm scared Draco."

"I know, Hermione, I am too." But they were going to do this together, no matter who or what tried to pull them apart.

**(Sorry for such the long wait, school has been such a drag! Reviews would be much appreciated, thank you for reading!)**


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